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Many parents under-estimate “discipline” today for more important values like creativity, self-awareness…and therefore for not invest time and thoughts to teach discipline.

Many times I hear grandparents think kids today lack discipline!

Discipline main definition is “the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience”.

so here are the questions I raise:

Do we want our children to be disciplined? To obey to rules or should we want them to dare go against the rules to create a better world? What happens if they do not obey to the rules? Do we use punishment? In which situations do we expect or want them to obey to rules and in which ones we’d rather want them dare the rules and the existing system?

I believe teaching discipline requires some thoughts and a special attention.

Here is an example that happened less than a month ago in my 10 years old daughter classroom: some parents got to the conclusion wearing masks for the children for 5 hours at school does not make sense. It is very hot, they cannot breath well and some professors  on TV proved that masks are not really crucial to avoid the virus (now, of course, at time I write this article it is a must, even the law demands it and most professors even agree but that was during the time when masks were new to all of us). So those parents said “lets teach our children to not obey to stupid rules and fight for logic! Lets fight. Our children will learn an important lesson.”

Some other parents said “this is a rule so teach your kids to obey some rules from the school or the state.”

So I guess when talking about teaching discipline, we should hold both sides of the coin: in some situations they need to obey and respect the rules and in others it is ok to question the rules and fight against! This is how so many great changes happened and still happen everyday for a better world.

The way I tend to do this with my own children is ask few questions and answer to those together:

• How much do you suffer from the situation?
• How much control do you have in the situation or the rules?
• How much do you know and are there other people knowing more about that to make such a rule.

You can always try to change, as long as it is done with respect and see what’s happening.

Here is another example that happened two weeks ago:

My same 10 years old daughter came to me stating there is discrimination at school against short children. They placed a metal bar for the kids to suspend and do sport in the outdoor area but the bar is high and she as well as other shorter children cannot get to it. The staff and manager decided also that it is not allowed to help each other getting up or bring a chair. I believe in this case, she is right. I encouraged her to approach the school manager and explains her statement to fight for this. Unfortunately, our school is a normal public school with “regular” manager who does not take advantage of such a situation to listen and act, teach our kids to fight for a good cause. The response was “nothing to do, wait and you will grow”. Not a great answer from a school manager but can you really change everything?

The point I am trying to make here is that my daughter was aware, tried to fight for a change in a respectful way and did not get a good response, but she tried. Not all our fights will get a good result! that was a good lesson as far as trying to be heard and change the rule.

As far as punishment, we, at home, do not believe in this act. We do not punish our children. This is again thanks to Adler classes we went to few times. When one of the children does not act ok or does something that is not acceptable, we talk and find a solution together, we explain the reason behind this, we allow them to think about it… not always simple but once we are all well trained in this, it gets easier!

So yes, I truly believe we all need to teach discipline to our kids, especially in those days where everything is possible and people tend to try to break rules, sometimes for good and positive changes and sometimes just because the rules do not fit them!

As far as my recommendations of gifts and toys to teach discipline,  all toys with specific rules to follow will do!

Today, there is a trend in the toy market that toys are sold without exact instructions to allow children to be creative and invent their own rules, which is great but try to avoid those if you want to teach discipline.

In the case you wish to teach discipline, you can start as early as 3-4 years old as long as you buy toys with specific rules all players need to follow.

I recommend playing cards, strategy games, fun action games. Even the games I wrote about during meal time all have specific rules to follow.

I also recommended building wooden kits that kids need to follow instructions to make them correctly. That also demands a certain type of discipline.