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This article comes to discuss openly how much responsibility and thinking we all put into our parenting and family values.

For any daily task we manage, we are trained to think, plan right and then act accordingly, both at home and at work. If you want to have a great meal tonight, you will think, look for ideas, research maybe, buy what you need ahead of time, allow time for preparation on that day or even one day earlier…And that, we do for almost any daily task.

When it comes to family values, we do not always spend the time needed to think, research, plan before acting. We many times react to situations instead of choosing what to invest time in with our kids and what to just leave and go on.

Why should we better define our family values?

Once we define family values, we can clarify to our family members what is important for us, as parents, explain the kids our needs and expectations, choose our battles as we cannot win them all…This many times should also be discussed first with your partner to assure you take him or her into consideration, listen and share before acting in front of the kids.

All this cannot happen as a reaction to the kids in real time!

I do not think both parents need to always agree and have the same point of view, as this is unrealistic to expect. It is ok to have two opinions, but those important values need to be discussed because each parent has a different sensitivity to different values. Kids learn very quickly what is important for mom or dad!

To give you some personal example, the family values I chose at this point are modesty, honesty, respect, self-improvement (self-awareness) and giving back. My husband may have other ones like freedom or privacy…

I am now writing a new BLOG SPECIAL about the voices of Women in Kenya and the values they hope to pass to their children.

It is amazing to see how much differences and resemblance there are within different cultures..

Stay tuned for this new BLOG SPECIAL to go up very soon!

Until then, I invite you to check the 1^st BLOG SPECIAL  HERE: BEHIND THE SCENES of toy development, getting to know the people who develop the toys of our kids, and the values they aim for!

Family values are easier to pass on thanks to fun and family bonding.

Here are some ideas I use to help all of us focus on self-improvement, which I use a lot to get better defined and focused to match our family values:

• Every 2-3 months, each member chooses one value or behavior to focus on and work on. For example, my daughter was getting involved in any fight at school, taking a role and picking a side, becoming the main judge without no one asking for it. This was wrong for her friends and for herself, so we picked together for 3-4 months the focus on “do not get involved unless you are really part of that issue”. My other daughter was not flexible enough. We decided to focus on “open mind and try new things”. Every few days, I reminded them on that ONE focus at a time. When we are focused and we know what we aim for, it is much easier to get there. And then we moved each to a different focus. I remember I even discuss with my kids what value or behavior should I focus in as I was hesitating, and their feedback were crucial because my behavior affects theirs at home. They can and should feel free to express their need and wish even though each decides for himself the focus of that time.

• Since 4 out of 5 of us have a smartphone, I decided to use it for family bonding, thanks to some ideas I received: during one whole week, each of us could take picture of different corners at home and others needed to guess where was that hidden corner. We live in a house and many times we do not see small items that are near us all the time! Except connecting us as a family and having fun, this worked on attention to detail and appreciation. Another week, I asked each to make a selfie but not a regular one with their face. We each had to try to take a creative picture that define ourselves. That gives all of us time to think about ourselves, self-awareness, define ourselves better and plan my “selfie” but also encouraged creativity, to get out of the regular selfie image!

2 tips to keep in mind while thinking about family values:

• Allow yourself time to think carefully about your values.
• Be flexible. It is okay for values to change over time. At the beginning of my relationships with my husband I remember I had only 2 values in mind. Those were my basic goals: respect and communication!! And every time I felt one of those was challenged, I would need a talk, a serious type of talk or even a couple therapy sometimes!

Here is a short list of family values but I urge you to search for more and define them in an exact way for you and your family:

• Love and Respect
• Communication
• Understanding/Sensitivity/Empathy/Compassion
• Sharing
• Tolerance
• Honesty
• Hard work
• Forgiveness
• Flexibility/Adjustment
• Balance
• Humor
• valuing the Elders
• Responsibility

Here is a game that can help you discuss family values and define them better for your family.