There are many skills that come with age and maturity, things we, parents, should not always get involved with and let our child grow, learn and get better at, at his own pace.
Examples include almost all milestones, crawling, walking, talking, eating…Nothing needs to be forced and each child gets there at his own pace. Of course, I believe we should help, encourage through play, games, fun and be alerted, mainly remain conscious…
Here you can find for example toys that help kids get better at crawling, walking, tips around the table, games that help teaching 2nd language skills, pretend play that help emotional skills…
In this article, I wish to concentrate on situations where time seems to be against us, situations where waiting for it to happen, is not the best solution and might even hurt your child.
I heard the expression “child time” for the first time at the time we received our foster boy!
The process is long, lots of bureaucracy, legal issues, legal process….and in the meantime, the child is growing in an uncertainty. While states and laws place the biological parents’ rights BEFORE the child’s best interest, he found himself in foster care for 5 years before getting adopted. You might ask what is the difference as long as he is raised in a good place?
HUGE difference.
While he is a “foster child”, everything is “in the meantime”. He might go back any time to his biological parents and that makes his current life “on hold”. While the foster family lives “in the meantime”, the child feels that feeling at home that is not providing him with the stability he needs (especially for those kids who started their life with so much instability!)
When my soon-adopted son entered into 1st grade, again the expression “child time” was against us. This boy needs help, attention, special care in school. And you know what? More and more kids need that, if not all kids need it!
Again, schools do not act fast. They are part of the bigger institution “ministry of education”, that is very “old-fashioned” and hard to change unfortunately.
So the school year begins, everyone sees he needs help but it takes time to provide that help and the staff tells you “everyone needs to get to know each other. It takes time. We need to be patient!” to which I respond “but what about child time? In the meantime, he acts in a way that is not always acceptable at school, friends start not wanting to be friends with him and he learns daily that he needs to survive at school because he cannot trust anyone. He constantly hears adults telling him “you cannot act this way here.” Time IS actually so precious!
Another example is when I feel one of my children needs to talk, cannot solve an internal issue with themselves, feels stuck emotionally, feels angry at something… lasting for weeks.
One personal example happened with my teenage daughter. At some point, she complained of a throat ache for some time. Once I saw two doctors, general and then throat doctor and both did not see anything physical, I understood something else happened. I asked a great ThetaHealing therapist friend and she explained that when it hurts in the throat, that means we keep our words and do not express ourselves. As soon as I asked my daughter what is she not expressing, what does she have to say and hold herself from saying, she just talked and talked and as magic, no more throat hurts since then!
Another example happened when my other daughter who is too often mad and gets frustrated because of social situations. After many talks and discussions, I felt I cannot help her. She is stubborn and does not move towards any self-solution. I decided to get help with a family therapist who can talk to her. That helped a lot, in a few weeks!
An additional example was when my daughter was 6 years old and had lots of Strep Throat. Doctors wanted me to give her preventive antibiotics. I could not agree to give her medicine that early and for so long so I tried all kinds of other ways. At the end, Homeopathy helped, and she has no more Strep Throat.
If I cannot, through talks, help them and that issue continues, I act.
I do not wait and allow child time to go. Because certain things may get worse if not taken care of.
So yes, in some cases, time allows us to grow, get better at things, accept each other pace!
In other cases when time is against us, “child time” counts!
We should act fast. We, parents, should not wait another month, semester, year until we ask to meet with the principal, or therapeutic staff, or share what we feel if something is wrong.
I see many parents waiting for things to go away by themselves.
I believe we should act…
Every day is a new experience; it can be positive or negative!
Every day, that feeling may get worse without any skill to deal with it.
So yes, all my kids were in a few different types of therapy, horseback riding therapy, water therapy, through play, art, psychologist, Occupational therapist, because child time means that in some cases, time is against us and we should act to prevent, help and avoid…
I feel this is our duty, as parents, to identify, look for solutions and help them, provide our children the feeling we are there for them, we see and understand their issue and we act…for them, and their better well-being.
